Perth, winter 2010

Perth was brilliant. This will be one of the many trips that i won’t forget and will definitely tell my children about. I fell in love with Perth almost immediately. The weather, the culture, the people and just the place itself. and the road trip down south was amazing. Seriously, pictures and videos don’t do any justice; you have to be there to experience it in person. However, getting away from boring old sunny Singapore was what i needed before school finally starts in the coming week. and hell, im not a single bit excited bout it.

i miss Perth already. i want to be able to wear out my thick jacket and scarf without even perspiring at all despite the sun shining so brightly. walking around in the cold breeze with hot chocolate to warm my hands. not to forget, the fog coming out from our mouth when we talked. i love it too how everyone is so friendly, how passengers would shout their thank-yous to the bus drivers when they alight, how passer-bys would smile and say hi to you, and how everyone would greet you with a “how you doing?” when you walked into the stores. and most importantly, i love how everyone is really laid-back there. no rushing or whatsoever. taking a step at a time to enjoy every moment. hence, i concluded something…………

in the 5 hours plane ride home, i decided that i want to move away from Singapore once im done with uni. with my mum and sisters along of course. i dont want to be stuck in this rule-by-rule country. and whatmore, everything is so stressful. i want to ease the burden of my mum from working so much and also, the suffer my little sister (and i) experience from the immense studying she had to do for her A’s. honestly, education is such a bitch here. i would not want my children to grow up, hidden behind books and never being able to explore what’s out there. and to be raised in a whole different culture, that will be an experience. so to wherever i decided to go, that will be the start of a new chapter in my life. (:

ohana

i dreamt of dad last night. we were at our old house in teck whye. and he was leaving. ive no idea why, but he was. he was standing outside the door and started walking away. and in my dream, i remembered tugging his shirt and telling him not to go. he didnt respond but instead, he smiled. somehow, i suddenly realised that he was really leaving. i kissed him on both cheeks and hugged him as tightly as i could. and i could feel his arms embracing me. and in tears, i whispered “i love you, ayah.” and yet again, he didnt respond but just a smile.

now when i recalled the dream, i think it was really him in my dream. his soul, his spirit. returning to see how his daughter is doing. no words can describe how much i miss him. i miss him tucking me in bed. i miss him calling me ‘princess’ when he greeted me after school. i miss his voice. i miss everything bout him. if losing a dad hurts like crazy, i wonder how mum would have felt. she lost her husband, her best friend and her lover of 35 years. it must have been worse for her but it amazes me how she managed to pull through for the sake of her 3 girls. i love you mum. i love you dad. ❤

my world

i was talking to amira how dramatic my life was lately and wished that i could have a world of my own. so this what i described to her.

“there will be rainbows and butterflies everywhere. waterfalls and rivers at every corner. no buildings, just trees, flowers, hills and grasses so that people can run around barefooted and roll around lazily. girls wear summer dresses while guys wear singlets and pants, all made of white cotton material. people ride on unicorns, which can actually talk and communicate with the humans. no vehicles or any means of technology at all. soft mellow music playing from a giant seashell. people sleep on clouds made of cotton candy; so fluffy that they can jump from one cloud to another. helium balloons for people to fly around in the sky. and when it pops, humans do not fall, instead they float back down to earth. playgrounds for everyone cos they do not grow old. hammocks between trees. bubbles coming out from a huge fountain. humans have giraffes as pets. at night, there’ll be shooting stars every few minutes to allow everyone to make wishes. and sometimes, fireworks occur out of the blue. and when it rains, it’s raindrops that makes your skin shine and sparkle. and most importantly, no signs of negativity. no bitching, gossiping, terrorism, violence, prejudice and whatnot. just LOVE. cos love makes the world go round (soundtrack from powerpuff girls, haha)”

i know it’s beyond imagination. but i can dream, can’t i? (:

realisation

when people leave without even a single word or just disappear, it hurts and you might never understand why. but it only meant that you deserve better and this person was never serious bout having a relationship with you. probably just to get some company for that period of time or just to toy with your heart. it sucks cos you probably may have fallen deeply in love with him/her. and wanting to confront him/her is not easy cos that person will never reply your text or call or totally ignore you when he/she sees you. but on the other hand, maybe it’s best to keep mum cos who knows, to retaliate, might bring out an adverse situation. you might turn soft and stupidly believe all those lies that he/she said and then, fall back in love again. only to get your heart broken again when he/she leaves again. so i guess, maybe to avoid is best. cos im certain god is fair. he/she will one day get his retribution.

so to YOU, i’m done with your silly games. i may not be 100% over you, but im sure i will in time cos i know there’s someone out there who will not leave me astray, just like how you did. if you’re man enough and have maybe put your ego aside, come and explain to me everything that you’ve done. cos even though how fucked up it is, i believe everyone deserves an explanation. so in the meantime, i’ll wait for your return but let me tell you, when you return, my feelings and love for you will probably have faded.

and oh yea, FUCK YOU!! (now that felt so much better, haha)

the last goodbye

Copeland’s farewell show
I remembered being heartbroken when i learnt that they’re breaking up but yet all excited when they were coming here for their farewell tour. so albeit all the long queue, the dust on my black jeans, the long 30 mins wait and needing to pee the whole entire time, that night is clearly embedded in my heart. together with alot of familiar faces and hardcore fans, we chimed along to every word that Aaron Marsh sang. i nearly fainted when he started singing coffee. ‘We do the best we can in a small town, Act like big city kids when the sun goes down.’ it was effortless. and when he started on Brightest during the encore, i felt tears welling up. who else could change lives of many with a simple song if it’s not Aaron Marsh. ‘And she says that i am the brightest little firefly in her jar.’

i wished i wasnt working the next day cos i wanted so badly to go to the secret show. but oh well. it was a good week and i hope it’ll get better with the shopping trip to kl this weekend.

goodbye Copeland. ):

from lovers to strangers

“It’s sad when people you know become people you knew; when you can walk right past someone like they were never a big part of your life, how you used to be able to talk for hours and how now you can barely even look at them. It’s sad how times can change.”

crazy fool

so one day, i was pigging out like a bum in front of my mac and stuffing my face with junkfood when i realised i better make full use of my time before the holidays ended. so i decided to be crazy and started cutting out pieces of my clothes. so that it looks slightly different than it used to be.

firstly, meet the scissors of terror!! haha.

mission 1: ripped jeans
so what happened was i found this old-which-now-i-think-is-a-few-months-old-only pair of Pierre Cardin jeans in my closet and thought why not i rip a few holes in it. hence, i did. but now, i think my mum’s gonna kill me for tearing those jeans that she bought for me. guilty!!

before:

(use a chalk to outline the area of the hole as it is easily removed)

after:


(back pocket)

(front pocket)

(bottom of the jeans)

ps. remember to wash it after ripping it to get the frays and rough edges of the fabric.

mission 2: cropped top
this white tunic actually belongs to my younger sister. but due to her clumsiness, she kinda burnt a hole at the bottom part of the top when ironing it. so i decided instead of using it as an old piece of cloth to wipe the glass windows at home (that’s what my maid always do to our old and cannot be worn clothes), i dont want to put it to waste. so i snipped away! anyway, my sis still doesn’t know what i did to her top. hehe.

before:

after:

so, that’s the first two that i’ve done. there’s more but im just too lazy to post it up. maybe next time. i guessed it’s time to put my cutting skill to good use. according to Elie, i’m an awesome cutter after helping her with her bookmarks. haha!

well, goodbye! (:

(in case you guys wondering, those lenses has degree okay. 450!! damn, there goes my dream of becoming a pilot. sigh)

im sorry i’ve been mean towards you. i promised i wont neglect you anymore and try to see you again. will you forgive me, wordpress?

okay, pardon me. i think i’ve turned crazy, talking to my blog like it’s a person. so anyway, i’ve been busy with work and tuitions. i felt that i havent been going out for the longest time. i miss a whole bunch of people right now. and words cant describe the feelings. i swear if i dont meet them any longer, i’ll start hyperventilating and bleed to death. okay, exaggerating much.

i was bored. so…
formspring.me/illyanadira

random bo bandom

so it’s march already. and in a few more days, results will be out. as much as i hate it, i’ve to face the fact. i wont be surprised if i don’t do so well. last year was tough. dealing with the loss and adapting to the changes, i must say i didn’t put in as much effort when i should be. my mind and heart were not into studying and a’s. but what’s done is done.

that aside, i finally got a job. nadira is destined to work after all (if she tried hard enough and does not succumb to laziness, haha.) haji lane, my second home now! (:

this week, i’ve been going out a lot. mum’s complaining cos she said she hardly sees me at home. overcome with guilt, i decided to follow her around today. so sunday is mum’s day! haha. anyway, to cut it short, i’m gonna describe my whole week in a sentence: Hyatt stay on tuesday was awesome but saw me walking around aimlessly in town while waiting for the girls to have dinner together at astons, which also meant additional pounds, together with the seafood connellito i ate at giraffe on thurs when i had dinner with the 23c girls, but i managed to lose it off during soccer training on friday, but only to develop sore legs the next day during work.

PS. to the person who used to gaze stars with me by the longkang,
EYE AM-EYE-ASS-ASS WHY-OH-YOU! ):

i miss you.

I miss you always.
Even when we don’t talk.
Even when you think i dont’t give a shit, never did.
Even when I’m the asshole you always wanted me to be, the asshole i told you i would be.
I miss you then.
I miss you all the time.
Everyday, you stick in my mind like glue, or a scar, or a wound you like to show off – your most prized possession.
I miss you now.
I miss you always.
But how could you know that?